We?re not one to badmouth the competition or name names but a little Jersey magazine thought it would be funny to say that
Gallery doesn?t have a sense of humour in their last issue.
A bit bitchy we thought?! So here are some jokes….
A bridge too far
A man walking on the beach was deep in prayer. Then God spoke to him saying that because he had always been faithful, one wish would be granted to him.
The man said he wanted a bridge to Hawaii so he could drive there. God said his materialistic wish was too difficult and it would take too many natural resources, and that he should think of another wish.
The man thought for a time, then said he wished that he could understand his wife, know her feelings, what she wants, and why she gives him the silent treatment and says nothing is wrong.
The Lord thought, then replied, ?You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge??
I?m not happy
There I was on my way to work …
Getting into a fight was the farthest thing from my mind …
It wasn’t even on the horizon …
I was in a great mood …
And then …
I rear-ended a car.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car .. (and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny)?
Yeah, well, I could NOT believe it … He was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says,
“I AM NOT HAPPY!”
So, I look down at him and say, “Well, which one are you then?”
arse
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.
?Well,? said the Englishman, ?I support the Liverpool football club, so I?ll eat the liver.?
?I support the Hearts club,? said the Scotsman, ?so I?ll eat the heart.?
?I support Arsenal,? said the Irishman, ?but I seem to have lost my appetite.
elitists
A phsyicist, a chemist and an economist are stuck on a desert island. The only cargo they managed to salvage from their wrecked ship is a crate of canned peaches. They need to eat the peaches, but can?t open the cans with their hands.
The physicist comes up with the plans for an elaborately counterweighted device that uses coconuts and bamboo shoots to wedge the cans open, using the force of gravity.
The chemist says, ?That?s too involved; we could just start a fire, put the cans over it, and wait for the gasses inside to expand and burst the lids off.?
The economist scoffs and says, ?You guys are way off. It?s simple, first we assume a can opener…?
mine?s a double
The bartender asks him ?What?ll you have??. The guy answers, ?A scotch, please?. The bartender hands him the drink, and says ?That?ll be five dollars?, to which he replies ?What are you talking about? I don?t owe you anything for this?.
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, ?You know, he?s got you there. In the original offer, which consitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration?. The bartender?s not impressed, but says to the guy, ?Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don?t ever let me catch you in here again?.
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says,
?What the hell are you doing in here? I can?t believe you?ve got the audacity to come back!?.
The guy says ?What are you talking about? I?ve never been in this place in my life?, to which the bartender replies ?I?m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.?
To which the guy replies ?Thank you! Make it a scotch.?
Knock Knock
knock knock
who?s there?
little boy blue
little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson!
Knock Knock
Who?s there?
KGB!
KGB wh–
(SLAP the person)
WE will ask the questions!!!
balls
Two good ole boys are walkin down the road when they come up on a dog laying there licking his balls.
Cletus says, ?Man, I wish I could do that!?
Bo replies,
?The dog?ll bite you!?
Joke for ?deep? types who think it?s funny to say we?re not funny.
?There are only 10 types of people: those that understand binary and those that don?t?. HA HA HA HA Geektastic.
